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Asking for Help When It Counts
By Graciela Kenig--©2006-2008

If you feel uncomfortable asking for help at work, or know someone who does, Dora's story may give you much to think about. Read on to discover the power and value that are yours for the asking--if you admit you need help at the right time. 

Dora (not her real name) told us that her boss gave her a very challenging assignment last month. “I was so busy trying to understand what was involved in the project that I didn’t know where to begin when he asked if I had any questions,” she confessed. 

Dora did what many of us Latinos (and people of other diverse cultures) tend to do when presented with new information: Take time to process it.  But the boss mistook Dora's silence for clarity.

“Back at my desk I wanted to die,” she admits. “I was so upset I couldn’t even relax enough to go over the paperwork so I could try to make sense of the assignment.”

 

When she couldn’t figure it out, Dora asked a coworker for help. But the coworker had no clue. “I considered asking my boss to go over the details once again but was afraid he might think I was incompetent.”

 

In the end, Dora did have to talk to her boss. But she let several days go by before doing so, thus wasting precious time. “He was very upset,” she said. “So he tried to explain it again but this time his anger and my embarrassment made things even worse.”

What could Dora have done differently to prevent the meltdown from happening? 

She certainly could have asked for a little time to process the information before allowing her boss to conclude that she had no questions. 

Here are some other steps she might have taken (or you may consider taking) the next time you face a similar situation:

• Keep an open mind. If your boss assigns you a task it probably means he or she believes you can handle it. So take a deep breath to avoid panicking at the outset. When fear takes over, your mind shuts down and you can't listen effectively. 
• Paraphrase explanations as they occur. Repeating things in your own words allows you to internalize directions and find inconsistencies you can ask about--then or later. It also forces the speaker to slow down, thus buying you more processing time.
• Most human beings have questions after hearing a lengthy or complicated explanation. If you don’t have any because you feel overwhelmed, tell your boss you are sure you’ll have questions—after you’ve had the chance to think about all the angles and implications. This literally leaves the door open for you to return to the source without losing face.
• If you don’t know how to do something, ask for help. Better to ask before taking things completely off course. But go straight to the source of the answers—not to a coworker who isn’t involved in the project.
• Cluster your issues so you can ask several questions during the same session. This lets you get the information you need without appearing to be a “nag” who causes too many interruptions.
• As the project moves along, keep your boss informed, especially if something happens that can affect your ability to meet the deadline.  Be prepared to explain what happened, what delays it might cause, and what you believe can alleviate the situation. If you can’t come up with a solution, this is the time to admit it or ask for suggestions. You are better off admitting lack of knowledge when there is still time to change things than when you are up against the deadline and there is no turning back.

When you complete the project, take time to debrief, first alone, but then also with your team and with your boss. Figuring out what worked well and what you could have done differently is the best way to know how to handle a similar situation in the future.